Failure to achieve some goal or a target, of any nature, is often looked down upon and is best seen as something to be avoided. Even in the young age, people around you don’t encourage you to take risks, lest you could fail and fail hard! This is one of the big reasons why we in the Indian society have not encouraged entrepreneurship to a large extent, as we are largely a risk-averse society. We teach children to be “conformists”, and to comply with the established rules and norms. But, what we forget in the process is that we are essentially promoting mediocrity and run-of-the-mill stuff.
In today’s times, there are some random and few examples of people celebrating effort even if that results in failure. But, don’t get me wrong! I am not in favour of celebrating failure! But, the point that I want to impress is that we must celebrate the genuine effort that goes behind “something that seems as failure in the first instance” and the learning that comes along during the process. Failure or success is not black or white. Sometimes, what is perceived as a failure is infact success in the eyes of some other person. The history is replete with such examples, the famous one being of the great Dr APJ Abdul Kalam. He was the 9th in the list of candidates, where only first 8 were selected for the Indian Air Force. That didn’t make him a failure, as he went on to achieve many bigger laurels for the country later in life like the SLV programme, developing indigenous missiles etc.
I often feel that the failure teaches you much more than the success. Because if you taste success before you taste failure, then you might be talented, you might be lucky or you might be the right person at the right place and at the right time; but you can never know what might be the potential roadblocks in your journey to success, how to manage failure, how to stay motivated in the tough times. Infact, failure teaches you about many things in life and when you taste success (or even if you may not) after that, then it feels a lot better as compared to the scenario when you succeed without experiencing failure. Failure makes the journey more adventurous, fun-filled and wholesome.
I have had many near misses (or you may call it failures) during the journey of chasing my targets, which taught me things that I would have never learnt had I achieved the success in the first go. Lets talk about academic failures here. The successes have their fair share, but that would be the topic of discussion some other time, as sharing that would not be as exciting as this one.
In IIT-JEE 2008 exam, I secured AIR 2848. I was sure of getting into IIT Roorkee Civil Engineering, as per the last year allocation on the basis of my rank. But when the results of counseling were out, I got the next best one – IIT Guwahati Civil Engineering! At first instance, I was a little disappointed because when you mentally make up your mind to get something and you don’t get it, it takes time to absorb and settle down. Also, people had developed such notions like “Guwahati में तो रोज़ बम फटते हैं”, “वो तो इतना दूर है, वहां तो ट्रैन भी 2 दिन में पहुँचती है” etc etc. And, IITR Civil closed at 2845 rank that year! Just 3 ranks!!!! It could have even been possible that I would have got the same marks as that of 2845 ranker, but just that based upon some criteria (like physics, chemistry, maths marks or something like that) I got a lower rank. And I became the opener (खोलू) of IITG Civil engineering (later I switched to Mechanical Engineering in the 2nd year, that’s another story). Looking back, I think it was the best thing that happened! Going to Guwahati was one of the best experiences in life, otherwise I could have never known the beauty that North-East is! You have to live there to know the humility of the people, the hardwork, the talent that they possess. And having been there for 4 years, it paid me later in life as I was sure of being always asked atleast 1 question about the North-East experience during the UPSC Civil Services Interview as North-East is an enigma for every interviewer. And it clicked well, I must tell you.
When I was in college, I tried to maintain fine balance between the acads and the extra-curricular activities (more about that sometime later). In my first year, I was a 9-pointer! Although, the “rare breed” 9-pointers are generally being frowned upon by the majority ones who get less grades, but I didn’t worry as long as I achieved my target of getting my branch changed to Mechanical from Civil Engineering. Then, came a blip during the second year as I caught upon many activities which I thought I missed in my first year. My CPI went below 9, but still hovering above 8.5. Eventually, some wrong and right decisions about the elective subjects, eventually stopped me at 8.97 at the end of my degree! I could have been prouder, if I could have made good grades in just 1 subject in the last semester that could have leapfrogged me to the 9-pointer league again (even though my highest was 9.67 in the third year), yet I learnt more from some of the elective subjects that I chose even at the cost of my 9-pointer dream! One of the tough electives was “Business economics”, that I chose in 2nd year. I don’t think that I would have delved into the beautiful world of economics, if I would have opted for another easier one. At that point, it was a tough choice to make, but I am happy I made that. Similarly, I could have easily secured above 9 in my second year also, but I chose extra-curriculars that cost me my acads time. But, looking back, I believe that it was the wisest thing to do because IIT is not just about acads, but it offers a lot more things, and if you are lucky you can catch only a few!
Then, during the UPSC Civil Services journey (which itself is obviously a big risk), I wasn’t sure of getting through in my first attempt after I gave my Interview. There are many mistakes when you give the Mains exam first time. And on top of that, a hard interview panel made me convinced that it is very difficult to make it to the “magical PDF” this time. When the failure hits, you obviously are sad. Then, one gathers courage once again and delves upon what went wrong and learns from the past mistakes and try to improve the next time. In the 2nd attempt, I was sure of making it into the list! The Mains was good, and the Interview was also better than the last time (although the panel was infamous for not awarding high marks). And then came the result day. My name was not in the magical PDF! And man, I was shocked! Everything went fine I thought, and I should have been somewhere atleast in the list. But, the fact of the day was that I wasn’t. Then after 3 days, the marks came and I got 987 out of 2025. And you know what was the cut-off! It was 988!!!! Could you f***ing believe that? Just 1 mark???? And that too out of 2025 marks! What is the probability of that- less than 1 in 1000. तुम क्या जानो 1 mark की कीमत रमेश बाबू 😀 But, there was a silver lining in that failure. I was sure of getting some rank in the reserve list, wherein the candidates of upto 4-5 marks less than the final cut-off are also selected. And mine was just 1 short of the cut, so selection to hona hi tha! It was an amazing feeling of bouncing back from the bottom and I thought picture abhi baaki hai dost! Subsequent attempts were another story, but this was the closest that I came to success, yet it was a near miss.
As I look back at the near misses, these things have taught more things that I could have learnt had I achieved them in the first place. And undoubtedly, the dots connect much better now! One of the biggest learning is that you have got to take risks and strive for achieving your dreams. If you achieve them, nothing better than that. But, even if you don’t achieve them, enjoy the process. You would definitely learn lot more if you start enjoying the process and not be preoccupied with the success or the failure part. If you do that, then everything else becomes a by-product. This journey of bitter-sweet experiences makes it worth cherishing. If life had only sweets to offer, then wouldn’t it get boring after sometime?
Till next time….
Footnote:
I have already discussed about my NTSE failure at the last level of Interview, after clearing 2 levels! Again, a very near miss. Thought not to repeat it here. You can read that here in detail……
The “unexpected” interview at an early age- the NTSE bomb! – Anupam- The Dreamer
Anupam- The Dreamer 
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